Sexual Harassment And Discrimination

My Experience As A Trans-Woman

April 9, 2009

By Vicci Laine

When beginning the journey of changing your sex you are met with a litany of guidelines you must meet before you are given the “permission” to proceed to the final step…… surgery. Set forth in this guideline is the regimen of counseling to prepare you for coping with the day to day living as the opposite gender. While I do believe this must be done to make sure that everyone is ready to make the big leap to the other side of the fence, I feel there are some issues that are not addressed in this process that we all need to be aware of.

First I would like to touch on the problem of sexual harassment. As you would guess I grew up identifying very strongly with women. I thought I could understand what women went through every day when it came to treatment from men, both invited and Uninvited. WRONG! I don’t believe that ANY male can really understand until you live it firsthand! The moment you walk out your front door you are considered a target. It makes no difference how you are dressed, it happens! Okay, I do know if I wear a low cut top and a V.S. push-up bra, the attention is going to be more than usual, but this does not give anyone the license to touch me or any woman (or any human being for that matter) in a manner to make her feel unsafe. I am not talking about the subtle looks and the smiles received, or harmless flirtation. I am talking about the all out “look at her, she is asking for it” mentality! Women, you know what I am talking about and you know the difference. Plus I really think that being a T-girl you sometimes get it two fold. You get it as a woman AND as a transsexual, sort of the thought, “you must be looking for it, why else would you be dressed as a woman?”

Now that brings me to the point of writing this. The discrimination I sometimes feel not only as a woman but as a Trans woman. I have been sexually harassed in a local large discount store (W-Mart) to the point of needing to beg for help from store employees. On one occasion I was left in an emotional heap on a bench at the front door while everyone I asked to help me just acted as if they did not understand the problem or that I deserved it because I was am a dressed as a woman. I honestly believe that I was not helped in the two following instances because the persons asked to help me knew that I a transsexual.

In the first instance, one man had tried to fondle my breast, and then he and a friend had tried to physically force me from the store into a waiting car parked in front of the doors. After much pleading, begging and crying (and 40 minutes of being ignored) the only way the situation was resolved was my call to have a sheriff escort me to my car and detain the men in the parking lot until I was gone. There was much more that happened with this example but I chose the abbreviated version.

The second time two very drunk men were following me around the store. Both had tried to engage me in some sort of drunken conversation. One had tried to touch my breast. One had tried to fondle me from behind, (between the legs). They had both tried to trap me in 2 different aisles by coming at me from each end and blocking me in. I was scared to leave the store as I knew they would follow. I knew that staying in this situation was not an option, so I explained the situation to a woman working and asked for her to get someone to either help me leave the store safely or ask the men to leave the property. (This woman has been to my shows and knows me both personally and as a performer, and she was genuinely concerned for my safety.)

While I was asking for help the two men were standing no more than 12 feet away in full sight of the store employee and me, waiting for my next move. When she got someone to help he seemed humored by the situation. He stated that the two men in question “are really drunk” and said that “I should just stay clear of them. “ He walked away laughing and saying “Sorry Vicci, I wish I could give you a better answer.”

I honestly believe that my request for help in both situations was ignored because I am a transsexual. If I had been a genetic female I am sure that there would have been someone at my aid almost instantly. I feel that many people honestly believe that the only reason that a man would dress as a woman or change their sex is to attract a man sexually. I also believe that many people find it quite hilarious that a man would be attracted to a transsexual and not be wise to the fact that, “you used to be a MAN”, and I do believe that some people think you deserve what you get BECAUSE you are dressed as a woman!

These are just two cases out of many in my daily life. These two examples do not even address the more subtle forms of touching or fondling that happens on a daily basis. These are of the extreme ones, but I know I am not the only transsexual or genetic female who experiences these types of extreme harassment. And that is exactly what it is, HARASSMENT! It is unwanted, uncalled for, and very threatening. I know there is no quick answer to this or the women of the world would have already wrangled it and stopped it, but it is something that I think we all need to keep putting out into the light, making people more aware of the daily existence and frequency of this problem faced by many.

What it all comes down to is I am a human being making my existence in this world; I am a human being before I am a transsexual. Whether you are a Trans woman or a genetic woman, we are all human beings first! As a human being no one has the right to make any of us feel unsafe or threatened.

One way for us all to help this situation, would be to step in and say something or help the person when you see it happening. NO MATTER who or what the gender may be. Put yourself in the situation, or your mother, sister, wife, daughter, would you want someone YOU love to feel unsafe, threatened, or hurt, and no one come to their aid? I really don’t believe you would.

Maybe it goes back to the golden rule! Wouldn’t you want someone to come to your aid?